DAY ONE

I began my treatment with Dr Aron this morning, and have now put on 3 applications out of 5 for the day.

No major differences really, but I wasn’t expecting a miracle cure.

My current skin situation is:

Weeping from my face and the entire surface of my neck every night. I wake up stuck to my pillow. I now take my own pillow whenever I stay with friends after my boyfriend’s stepmum saw a pillowcase I’d put in the washbin and asked if someone had vomited on it.

Uncontrollable scratching. On the plus side, it’s increasing my flexibility; I know for a fact that there is not a single inch of my back that I cannot stretch to. I look gross when I scratch in meetings, restaurants and on public transport. Once I start, I can’t stop. It sounds horrible, and my fingernails are constantly dirty from dead skin.

Snowstorms. I can walk into a room and turn Spring back into Winter with a single shake of my head. I can’t wear dark clothing, not even on my legs as the chunks of dry skin are big enough to be obvious when dispersed. My car is a mobile skin cemetery. The other day I got out of the shower and burst into tears when I realised I already had what would be classed as an unhygienic level of dandruff.

Blood everywhere. Every morning, I have to peel my pyjamas off of my skin from where it’s stuck by scabs.

Chronic lack of sleep. It’s not insomnia; I can get to sleep, I just can’t stay asleep because I scratch so hard I wake myself up and then get caught in the cycle again. My boyfriend is therefore also suffering from a lack of sleep, and I’m not entirely sure why he still wants to share a bed with me. I haven’t had more than 5 hours disjointed sleep in a night since January. I’m tired and lethargic at work but am worried that people just think I’m unenthusiastic.

Clothes are a struggle. Last month, I had to call into work and ask for 2 days at home because it hurt too much to wear clothes. I need to wear long-sleeved tops but I can never seem to buy enough and looking smart and/or stylish at work whilst wearing 100% cotton is close to impossible.

Half a set of eyebrows. Thanks to having eczema on my forehead, both of my eyebrows finish an inch too soon. Sometimes I can draw them back on, but often the skin is weeping so no make up will stick. The hair on my head falls out in patches.

Constant pain. Even tiny movements hurt as it rips the skin further. I can’t turn my head fully because the skin on my neck is so dry and cracked that it’s excruciating. I can’t shower or bathe without crying because it stings so much. For the last few weeks, I’ve been washing my hair bent over the tub and then jumping in for a quick body wash so that I can avoid the sting on my body for the whole time it takes to shower. My sex drive is waning as my skin gets hypersensitive to his touch and I feel less sexy than that time I got food poisoning and didn’t know which end of my body I should aim at the toilet and which at the bath.

I don’t think I’m being melodramatic in saying I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have a normal life.

Photo time. I know you’ve been looking forward to this. You’ve probably scrolled down and skipped the words just to see this. Here’s my body in full glory in a variety of lighting (and no, you can’t see my boobs)…